So I have no idea why I waited so long to come out to him. There's a part of me that didn't think he'd have a problem with it and that he'd be fine. I thought, "Hell, he probably already knows - he's just waiting for me to tell him." And then there's another part of me that was hesitant. When I was away in college, he became a born-again Christian. And I thought that there's a great possibility that he either won't accept me or if he does - he might rub the sin, scripture, Bible, Christian thing at me.
I wanted to speak with him in person or at least over the phone about this. But due to hectic schedules, we kept missing each other. So I opted to do it via email (not my mode of choice, but hey...). Here's a portion of his reply to my email:
You know I look at you as a brother and really want you to live a long, prosperous, joyous & blessed life. You also know my religious views being a Christian rapper and all I'm sure you know where the Christian belief stands on homosexuality. The bible tells me that it's a sin against God, but it also says that no sin is greater than another and that sin (including homosexuality) can be forgiven. You see God loves is greater than anything sin and His love is the definition of unconditional... My beliefs will not allow me to celebrate what the Word of God calls sin HOWEVER just as God still loves you; so do I. It doesn't mean that the bond of friendship is any weaker on my end...I just don't know what or how to respond. I was both angry and somewhat content with the response. Content because this is what I was expecting him to say and this is why I was hesitant in telling him anyway. Angry because I'm so sick and tired of hearing this sin bullshit. And I'm sorry but it's bullshit. God made me the way that I am for a reason. My being gay is not a choice or something that I can just turn on and off like a light switch. It's part of me. It doesn't consume me and it doesn't cloud everything that I do. But you cannot acknowledge me in totality without acknowledging that part of me. And as a lifelong friend, I guess I was just thinking that he'd be able to see completely beyond this and accept me totally, wholly. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe I asked for it. But at what point do you get beyond the scripture to the realness in life and the substance of the realness staring in your face....in all of its divinity? What would you do?
My parents are Pentecostal ministers and at the tender age of 15, I was asked to make a decision, I should “become straight” or leave their home. I left their home. After very difficult years on the streets and facing hardships that hardened and degraded me, I realized ONE thing, that as a gay man I had to be stronger, smarter and more accepting of diversity – even accepting the views of my loving (and in my opinion, misguided parents). If you read closely at what your friend said in the response you posted, he loves you, but because of his religious beliefs he does not celebrate your being gay. He also mentions that you are still his ‘brother’. It’s an HUGE step in the right direction and one that I didn’t have early on. It’s difficult to realize that the people we love don’t accept us – all of us – and see that we are living our reality, not some “choice” to upset the masses. At 40, I’ve forgiven my parents for allowing me to fend for myself (risking my life really) because of their ignorance. They share in my life and whether they verbalize it or not, they accept me, my life and my loved ones as part of THEIR lives as well. They visit my home (where I live with my spouse and child) and we visit theirs. The still don’t “celebrate” my being gay, but they RESPECT it because they respect me. They accept that to be a part of my life they need to put their beliefs to the side and I will put my militant-you-better-get-with-it stand to the side as well. Just as it has taken you a while to feel comfortable speaking to your friend about who you are, give him the benefit of digesting the information. I think that for a knee-jerk response he’s showing great promise…he loves you and whether he accepts or celebrates who you are, that fact hasn’t changed. Good luck.
Buddha, his beliefs, his thoughts, and his feelings belong to him and are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
I know this may be of little comfort because I truly do understand how you feel and I do truly empathize. However, I do not believe in letting the ignorance of others dictate my life or my emotions. They will sleep easy while you lay awake tossing and turning. LET IT GO...and pray for him
Thanks Cocoa Rican and Toy Culture for your insights. Much appreciated. There was just a part of me initially that was uneasy because here's someone I've known for over half of my life, one of my dearest friends, and he won't even be at my commitment ceremony. It's just weird that's all. While we're still brothers we still have yet to speak to each other... I don't know. But life goes on. I'm not losing any sleep over it. I've accepted this for what it is. But I'll be here. Being who I'm supposed to be. Being who God made me to be.
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