Day 67 - Remembering Luther Vandross

Image courtesy of The Official Luther Vandross Site

As of this month, it's been 7 years since Luther Vandross' death.  And I think I can speak for many of his beloved fans (myself included) by saying that we still miss him dearly.  His catalog of music is rich, vast, and seemingly more relevant now than ever.  A true balladeer, Vandross sung about love and relationships with such passion, tenderness, and intensity.  His music touched a cord with many, because there was a soulful sensitivity and vulnerability within his voice that made him immediately relatable.  Like Whitney Houston, Luther Vandross was in a class all by himself.  There never will be another like him.  We will forever sing his praises.

 
Below, I've include a poem featured in my book Prevail written in tribute entitled, "Luther is Love."

Luther Is Love

Luther—

Or Loofah, as some of us called you—

Still in denial about your passing on,

Doesn't seem real.

Gone too soon,

But never, ever forgotten.

Luther—

The silky smooth voice,

Flawless,

Full of passion and emotion,

Consummate artistry and professionalism.

A rare commodity,

Especially in the world of contemporary music.

You will remain in a class all your own!

Luther—

Exemplifying class and grace on and off the record.

Media seems to want to "out" you now,

But whatever your sexual orientation, it wasn't and isn't an issue.

Media also seems to want to make a big deal about your weight,

But that was just as insignificant with us as well.

It's the contributions you made that matter;

It's who you were as a person that matters.

Luther—

You sang in a way that made us feel like you were singing only to us,

Expressing all that we were feeling.

It was a musical connection that became deeply personal and spiritual.

You've touched us in so many ways.

For you, we are forever grateful.

Luther—

You spoke of love in all of its splendor.

You are the balladeer of love,

One of the greats.

Your music and spirit will continue to move us eternally.

You will always be loved,

For you are love.

Luther is love!

© 2012 BuddahDesmond

Day 66 - Happy Birthday Phyllis Hyman!

Image courtesy of The Sound of Philadelphia (Soul Radio) site.

Today would've marked the 63rd birthday of legendary singer, songwriter, actress, model, and entrepreneur Phyllis Hyman.  A serious void has been left since her untimely death in 1995.  A singer's singer, she was one of the greatest interpreters of song to grace the stage.  She had a larger-than-life voice, personality, and presence.  Hyman was a star in every sense of the word.  

Born in Philadelphia, PA and raised in Pittsburgh, PA, Hyman was the eldest of seven children.  Inspired by Nancy Wilson, Dionne Warwick, Minnie Riperton, and James Brown, Hyman said she didn't know she could sing.  But anyone who heard her voice then or now would tell you differently.  Hyman perfected her chops by performing on the club circuit in the early 70's with groups such as New Direction, All the People, The Hondo Beat, and The P/H Factor.  After leaving The P/H Factor, she moved to NYC and relaunched herself as a solo artist and became the talk of the town.  She initially recorded songs like "Leaving The Good Life Behind" and "Baby (I'm Gonna Love You)" for the Roadshow Records/Desert Moon imprint.  However, it was her work with Norman Connors on his You Are My Starship (1976) album that brought her major mainstream attention.  Their remake of the Stylistics' "Betcha By Golly Wow" was a major Jazz and R&B radio hit.  The Starship album also united Hyman with Michael Henderson for the first time on their duet "We Both Need Each Other," another radio hit.  Hyman and Henderson would later have a top-ten R&B hit with their classic duet "Can't We Fall In Love Again" in 1981 (from Hyman's album of the same name).  Between the years of 1974 and 1991, Hyman released 8 studio albums (Phyllis Hyman, Sing A Song, Somewhere In My Lifetime, You Know How To Love Me, Can't We Fall In Love Again, Goddess Of Love, Living All Alone, and Prime Of My Life), starred in 4 films (Lenny, Too Scared To Scream, School Daze, and The Kill Reflex) and appeared on Broadway in Sophisticated Ladies, where her role earned a Tony Award nomination.  Two albums were released posthumously in 1995 (I Refuse To Be Lonely) and 1998 (Forever With You).

Hyman made an indelible mark on the industry and with fans by singing realistic, heartfelt love/torch songs.  She wore her heart on her sleeve.  If she couldn't feel or relate to the music in some way, she couldn't sing it.  With songs like "Living All Alone," "Old Friend," "Meet Me On The Moon," "When You Get Right Down To It," "Somewhere In My Lifetime," "You Know How to Love Me," "Obsession" (with Lonnie Liston Smith), and her lone #1 R&B hit "Don't Wanna Change The World," Hyman captivated her audience with her signature style and one-of-a-kind voice. 

Throughout her life, Hyman battled with bipolar disorder and suffered from alcoholism, along with drug and food addictions.  Hyman's songs like "Living All Alone," "Living In Confusion," "The Sunshine In My Life," and "I Refuse To Be Lonely," offered a glimpse into the troubles Hyman had been experiencing.  In Jenice Armstrong's article "Hyman's Demons" from the Philadelphia Daily News, Jason A. Michael, author of Strength of a Woman: The Phyllis Hyman Story, said that Hyman '"fought so hard to remain in control, but the truth is that she wasn't...She would get so nervous. She would get so scared. She had a great fear of success because, deep down, she didn't feel that she really deserved it."'  Sadly, Hyman took her life several hours before she was to perform at the Apollo Theatre on June 30, 1995.

She left behind a beautiful legacy of work.  While she may no longer be with us, her spirit will continue to live on in her family, friends, fans, and music.  Happy Birthday Phyllis Hyman!  We miss you!  Goddess of Love, rest in peace!

Check out my previous Phyllis Hyman Posts:  

• The P/H Factor - Phyllis Hyman: Tribute to a Sophisticated Lady 
• Day 56: Black Music Month - Phyllis Hyman

Have a great weekend!

Day 65: Get Free

Until you’ve freed your mind from the people, situations,
     and other assorted bullshit that ties you down—
     You’ll never truly know or be able to experience freedom.

If you can’t act independently,
     think independently,
     live independently,
     or just be independent—
     You’ll never be free.

Release the chains.
Get free!

© BuddahDesmond

Day 64: The Good Ole Days

The chatter never ceases when being flooded by joyful memories of a bygone era.
You're in a trance when nostalgia captures you:
Wide smile, happy, sparkling eyes—
A lift in the tone of your voice,
so evident in the jubilant recap of your experiences.

There's nothing wrong with reminiscing about the past.
The chapters in the book of the past made way for the books of the present and the
     forthcoming books of the future.
It's important that we look to our past because it's our personal history.
When we've learned from our history, there are slim chances of blocking the blessings of 
     the future.
We just have to remember not to dwell too long in the past.

Can't bring back what we had then.
But we can reexamine our lives now,
and figure out what it will take to create the good ole days of today—
To make them just as memorable, just as impactful as they were then. 

© BuddahDesmond

Day 63: Black Music Month - BuddahDesmond

For the last day of Black Music Month, I've decided to be a little selfish. It's all about me! Jazz is one of my favorites genres of music to sing. Anytime I have the opportunity to exercise and enhance my chops, I'm taking it! Here's a throwback performance from the RIT days of "Georgia On My Mind" featuring Jamil Khan on the keys. Hope you enjoy it! :D

Day 62: Black Music Month - Syleena Johnson

Syleena Johnson is a Grammy-nominated vocalist, songwriter, and producer.  The daughter of legendary Blues/Soul singer, songwriter, and musician Syl Johnson, she’s proved to be one of the most promising R&B/Soul singer-songwriters in the industry.  She’s a soul singer – point blank. You can’t help but be moved by her powerful, sexy, gritty, and emotional voice.  She has old school sensibilities that flourish in a contemporary soul environment.  Her style can, at times, be reminiscent of of Betty Wright, Millie Jackson, Mavis Staples, and Tina Turner (to name a few).  Since 1999, she’s released 6 albums.  Her most recent release, “Chapter V: Underrated” (2011), was released on her own label—Aneelys Records.  It’s her most ambitious and satisfying album to date.  This summer, Johnson will be featured along with Faith Evans,  Nicci Gilbert (of Brownstone), Keke Wyatt, and Monifah on TV One’s “R&B Divas.”  Shot primarily in Atlanta, the show chronicles their true personal and professional lives as women in the music industry and their tight bond as friends (through it all).

 

Day 61: We Need You

To us–you are our everything.
We depend upon you for our way of life.
We need you to nurture us, guide us, and protect us.

Even though we sometimes go about our days as fearless as can be,
We need you,
Sometimes more than you know.
That's why it hurts us so when you don't hear us,
When you don't see us,
When you aren't listening or paying attention to how we feel or what we're trying to say.
And we internalize it, thinking it's something that we did to make you act this way,
not knowing–or always aware—that what happens or has happened to you
or what affects your mood and how you treat us often has nothing to do with us.
But how can we know when you don't know how or are scared to talk to us openly and freely?
We may not be grown but it doesn't mean we won't understand.
And if we don't, we can at least try.

What we often don't understand is why we get hurt so
when we don't get what we need from you,
Or when we get taken advantage of.
It's a whirlwind that can leave us lost;
Some of us sadly never find our way back home.
But those of us that do successfully breakthrough.

You may not fully comprehend how much we need you or how much you need us,
But one without the other simply isn't right.
If you would only think about the great impact you have on us–so much would change in this world.
Just imagine, this world could become the world we've always dreamed of.
And what a world that could be.   

© BuddahDesmond

Day 60: Black Music Month - Adriana Evans (Redux)

There’s something about Adriana Evans. Listen to any of her five studio albums and you will be spellbound by her rich musical landscape. Her music is an intoxicating mix of classic soul, funk, hip-hop, jazz, rock, Afro-Cuban and Brazilian rhythms. Her voice—an instrument that is reminiscent of the preeminent jazz vocalists of our time—is the soulful, sweet, sublime element that brings everything together. Evans made her self-titled debut album (featuring the singles “Seein’ Is Believing” and “Love Is All Around”) back in 1997 with music that was then being dubbed “neo classic soul.” But even then, it was clear that there was so much more to Evans and her music than that. Her most recent album was 2010’s “Walking With The Night.” If you haven’t already, give Evans music a spin. It won’t be long before you can’t get her hypnotic music out of your mind.

Day 59: Black Music Month - Cassandra Wilson

Cassandra Wilson is a jazz vocalist, musician, arranger, and producer. She’s arguably the best jazz vocalist today. For nearly 30 years, this two-time Grammy winner has mesmerized audiences with her moving, sultry, rich, resonant voice. She inhabits songs. With the slightest nuance or phrase, she can take you places others can only dream of taking you. During her illustrious career, Wilson has expounded upon the jazz songbook with her ingenious interpretations of classic folk, pop, country, soul, and blues tunes. Like the greats before her, she has a distinctive style and can make any song her own. Wilson is a trailblazer that continues to transform and push the boundaries of her talent and jazz music. Her most recent album is the critically acclaimed “Another Country” (2012). 

Day 58: In Remembrance - MJJ (Repost)

The King!

Legend.
Icon.
Innovator.
Trendsetter.
Humanitarian.

You were truly gifted.
An inspiration to many.
You were the greatest entertainer in the world.
Touched so many of us with your heart, soul, and spirit.

There will never be another like you.
So we are grateful that God kept you here as long as he did.
We are sad that you had to go so young.
But it was time.
You were called.
And now peace is finally yours.

You will truly be missed.
Your music and legacy will continue to inspire, uplift, and shape us all.
You will never die.
You will always live on.
We will always love you, Michael Joseph Jackson!!!

~ BuddahDesmond

Day 57: Black Music Month - Robert Glasper

Robert Glasper is a multitalented jazz pianist, composer, producer, and musical director. Though he may immediately be identified as a jazz artist, it’s hard to deny the heavy influence of Hip-Hop and R&B/Soul on his music. He has an ingenious style that has reinvigorated jazz music in ways that very of his contemporaries have been able to. His most recent album, with his band The Robert Glasper Experiment, is entitled “Black Radio” (2012). On this release, Glasper more than proves he’s an artists without limits. The album features smooth, eclectic collaborations with Lalah Hathaway, Musiq Soulchild, Chrisette Michele, Bilal, Lupe Fiasco, Erykah Badu, Ledisi, Shafiq Husayn (Sa-Ra), KING, Meshell Ndegeocello, Stokley Williams (of Mint Condition) and yasiin bey (Mos Def) to name a few. As described on Glasper’s website, Black Radio “boldly stakes out new musical territory and transcends any notion of genre, drawing from jazz, hip-hop, R&B and rock, but refusing to be pinned down by any one tag.” Black Radio is a groundbreaking album that may serve as the blueprint for other artists who want to make great music that challenges the notion of genres and categorization yet resonates deeply with the audience.

Day 56: Black Music Month - Phyllis Hyman

I've written about Phyllis Hyman several times.  I never grow tired of talking about her or listening to her timeless music.  There's so much that can be said about her artistry.  She really knew how to get inside lyrics.  Whether you had experienced what she was singing about or not, you couldn't help but to feel it.  A supreme song interpreter and a dynamic performer, Hyman proved that she was in a league reserved truly for the greats.

Day 55: Black Music Month - Mint Condition

Like The Roots and The Brand New Heavies (and Tony Toni Tone before them), Mint Condition is one of the best bands in the business. Mint Condition has carved a unique path for themselves, and after seven albums--they’ve stayed true to it. They’ve been a consistent musical mainstay for over 20 years. Never to be limited by formula, style, or genre, Mint Condition’s music is progressive, versatile, and infectious. Whether it’s funky up-tempo numbers, rock or jazz-inflected mid-tempo grooves, or smooth, soulful, heart wrenching ballads, they can play it all with ease (and sound even better live). With consummate artistry, superb production and instrumentation, relatable lyrics, and vocals to die for, Mint Condition will remain in a league of their own.

Day 54: Black Music Month - Conya Doss

Dubbed as "The Queen of Indie Soul," Conya Doss is a singer, songwriter, and producer who defies categorization. She makes organic, feel good music that touches the soul. Doss has a unique style that feels both old school and contemporary. Like Mary J. Blige (whose timbre her voice echoes slightly), Maysa, and Adriana Evans, she's very versatile and can sing anything. Since 2002 Doss has released 6 albums, her most recent is entitled "A Pocketful of Purpose" (2012). Like a true artist, growth, maturity, and wisdom are evident with each release. Happy Black Music Month!!! :D 

Day 53: Black Music Month - Vikter Duplaix

Vikter Duplaix is an eclectic singer, songwriter, producer, multi-instrumentalist, and DJ. He's played, written, and/or produced for artists like Erykah Badu, Eric Benet, Incognito, and Esthero. His music is "Bold & Beautiful" (2006) and a "Departure" (2002) from what you hear on the radio everyday. It's "sexy soul music," as Duplaix called it, fused with electronic, house, dance, jazz, Latin, and African rhythms. It's an experience. And one you won't forget. It just might get you in trouble (in a good way). Happy Black Music Month!!! ;)

Day 52: Black Music Month - Eric Roberson

If not a current fan, you may still be familiar with Eric Roberson's music. He's written songs for artists like 112, Musiq Soulchild, Dwele, Carl Thomas, Vivian Green, and Jill Scott. He made his mark with his first single "The Moon" in 1994, which was a mainstay on urban adult contemporary radio. After nearly 20 years in the industry, Roberson's released 8 albums and has remained one of the most consistent, authentic, spirited, and relatable artists in the game. And he's done it all independently. He established his record label B.L.U.E. Erro Soul in 2001. His latest album is the acclaimed "Mister Nice Guy" (2011). Happy Black Music Month!!! :) 

Day 51: Black Music Month - Teedra Moses

Teedra Moses is like one of the industry's best-kept secrets. On that "Luxurious Undergrind," she's a singer-songwriter who's written songs for Christina Milian, Macy Gray, Trina, and Mary J. Blige to name a few. But it was her debut album, 2004's Complex Simplicity, that got fans really hooked. Not to mention, she's released several mixtapes that often rival her the studio album of peers. Her voice is distinctive, smooth, and pure. Her lyrics can pack punches just as hard some rappers. She's got a sweet yet street swag that is reminiscent of the sass of Cherrelle and Pebbles and the soulful, emotional grit of Mary J. Blige. Yet, she’s got a style that’s all her own. With her recent signing to Rick Ross's Maybach Music Group, it won't be long before the world knows just who Teedra Moses really is. Happy Black Music Month!!! :D

Announcing the Release of My First Book - "Prevail"

I'm so happy to announce the release of my first book - Prevail: Poems on Life, Love, and Politics.  It's been an arduous journey but well-worth it.  I'm elated to have achieved one of my many lifelong dreams.  It's self-published through iUniverse.  Here's the description:

Prevail: Poems on Life, Love, and Politics presents an eye-opening collection of poetry inspired by personal experiences, current events, history, culture, and social issues. This collection provides a glimpse into the mind of BuddahDesmond as he investigates our contemporary world. Written over the course of the last decade, these poems serve as an introduction to BuddahDesmond’s range, voice, and style.

Prevail is divided into three sections—life, love, and politics, each of which provides the author with an opportunity to thoroughly dissect his thoughts and feelings on each topic. “Life” challenges the notion of living happily ever after, considers the struggles of dysfunctional families, and shares the perspective of a laggard in a high-tech world. “Love” discusses the power of real, true love, the up and downs of relationships, and the difficulty finding a mate in the technosexual age. “Politics” explores the power of rhetoric and the underhanded maneuvering of politicians, as well as providing perspectives on many contemporary issues.

In this new collection, BuddahDesmond seeks to offer an underlying message of strength, persistence, and triumph.

The book is available for purchase directly from iUniverse, along with retailers like Amazon (Paperback | Hardcover | Kindle, Barnes & Noble, Book-A-Million (Paperback | Hardcover), and other retailers.  Please check it out.  If you like it/love it, spread the word and encourage others to buy it.  Be sure to stop by and "Like" the Facebook Fan Page as well.

Thank you to all the readers for the love and support over the years.  Enjoy!  Peace, Love, and Many Blessings!!!

Day 50: Black Music Month - Meshell Ndegeocello

When I saw the words "Alternative Hip Hop" emblazoned in the liner notes of Meshell Ndegeocello's debut album Plantation Lullabies (1993), I thought--how limiting. She's definitely not an artist you can lump a single category. After all, her last name in Swahili means "free like a bird." She can play/sing anything. Her music is passionate yet cerebral. And when it comes to funky bass players she's one of the baddest in the game! Happy Black Music Month!!! :D

Day 49: Black Music Month - Lenny Kravitz

When compared to his contemporaries Lenny Kravitz is in a league all his own. He's an extremely gifted singer, songwriter, arranger, producer, and multi-instrumentalist who marches to the beat of his own drum. His retro-leaning music is an extraordinary blend of rock, funk, r&b/soul, folk, and reggae (to name a few). Album after album Kravitz proves that you can have style with substance and purpose. Happy Black Music Month!!! :D

Day 48: Black Music Month - Janet Jackson

Just as Marvin Gaye did with "What's Going On," Janet Jackson's "Rhythm Nation" (the song and accompanying album Rhythm Nation 1814) proved that music could still be hit-worthy and entertaining yet socially conscious, relevant, soulful and funky. Happy Black Music Month!!! :)

Check out my previous post, All 4 Janet.

Day 47: Black Music Month - Chaka Khan

When Chaka Khan burst onto the scene as the lead singer of Rufus back in the 70s--the world was never quite the same. Jazz, Soul, Funk, Rock, Gospel, Pop--you name it she can sing it (effortlessly). Her inimitable, stratospheric vocals, unique style, and stage presence still leave audiences captivated to this day. A beautiful singer, songwriter, and musician--she's truly one of a kind. And most certainly--iconic and legendary. Happy Black Music Month!!! :D

Day 46: Without You

The pain hit me all at once.
I thought I was going to pull through.

It'd been three weeks since you left.
Didn't feel a tremor or shed a tear.
And suddenly, it was like the environment in the instance of a landslide–it just keep coming
And I'm wondering when it'll stop.
Guess you meant a little more to me than I cared to admit.

I couldn’t let the emotions get the best of me while in the relationship,
But they're tearing my ass up right about now.
I can't seem to keep my composure.
I've never fallen this deep.
I feel like pavement and the a loss of love pounds me incessantly.

All I know is I have to pull thru this.
But I don't know if I can make it without you.

© BuddahDesmond

Day 45: Whenever the Feeling Comes Along

Whenever the feeling comes along—the one that I can't shake because it shakes me—
I have to close my eyes, take a few deep breaths and think about something unrelated.

Whenever the feeling comes along I'm temporarily paralyzed.
Can't seem to move, think, or speak normally.
A momentary loss;
Have to make myself snap out of it to get beyond it.

Whenever that feeling takes over,
I have to regain my composure.
It's like I'm fighting against a foreign invader–with everything within me—to win.

Whenever that feeling comes along,
I have to do what I can to conquer it.
Don't want to be the victim of my own defeat.
Can't pass the blame on anyone else if I can't deal;

It all comes back to me.

Whenever the feeling comes along—I have to be strong.

© BuddahDesmond

Day 44: Once Upon a Groove

When the beat drops I just have to ride it
Never going against it,
Just naturally flowing with it
When it hits it captures me,
Seizes my soul,
Taking control of every word I say and every move I make

This groove colors the night,
Painting scenes never realized before,
Igniting otherworldly emotions,
And deepened connections.
Don't want this musical excursion to end.

Why should we ever have to step outside of this groove?
If I were its proprietor I could mass market this experience
      so that everyone could get a fix.
Cause after a groove like this–how can your life ever be the same?

© BuddahDesmond

Day 43: Closure

I've searched my mind so many times in the last few days

     to find whatever it is that I did to be whited out, erased,

     terminated from the picture.

The search results came back null.

Even when I did boolean, it rendered my time and efforts useless.

I'm still trying to understand how it all got to this point,

     and why everything feels so disjointed.

All I want is a reason—

     A real reason.

Aren't I good enough for that?

Aren't I deserving at the very least of that?

Maybe you acted in haste,

     but the actions still remain unchanged.

At least respect me enough to tell me what I did

     that was so wrong— 

So I can properly move on,

So I can learn,

So I won't repeat what made me obsolete

     in a world I was led to believe I belonged in.

But as as we know now—we were both wrong.

For the sake of closure—could you just fill me in?

© BuddahDesmond

Day 42: 100% Phony

Nothing rings true
Nothing quite real
It's all staged and scripted
Better than make believe
Left wondering if anything gets past the pretense
So contrived
Like co-stars with bad chemistry
Though they keep trying--disbelief is never suspended
Except for those weak, naive minds who continue to fall for it
Meanwhile, those in the know are waiting for the showdown

If you ever wonder why the reception is icy
or lacks the warmth you feel you're accustomed to
check yourself
You may not be as genuine as you think you are
You may not be genuine at all
Just fake and phony
100% fake and phony

(c) BuddahDesmond 

Day 41: Apologies

If you really meant what you said, why apologize?
Anyone could feel the words,
they were jam-packed with passion.
Could the presentation have been different?
Yes.
Could your tone have been less caustic?
Yes.
If anything, you should apologize for how you said what you said.
Otherwise it's meaningless.
Phony apologies don't suffice in any instance.
Unless it's sincere and heartfelt--keep it to yourself.

(c) BuddahDesmond

Day 40 - Just Jill: Words & Sounds Live

Recently had the opportunity to catch Jill Scott live as part of her Summer Block Party tour. And what an amazing experience it was. Still think and dream about it to this day. So I wrote this poem as an ode to her magnificence.

Just Jill: Words & Sounds Live

There's something about Jill–
Natural beauty and wonder,
Talent that seems limitless,
Has a heart and soul so deep, so pure that it boggles one's capacity
     to understand.
She gets you as soon as she makes her appearance–
Immediately captured.
She's a musical wizard,
Who casts her spell within the first few notes.
The studio is great,
But there's nothing like the real thing live.

Jill's larger than life spirit commands the stage.
Head held high, never down;
Always standing in high-esteem like a regal Goddess,
Like the Queen that she is.
Undeniable authenticity,
And a familiarity that makes you feel as if you're in the good hands of a
     loved one.
Jill's better than your best friend–
     she's family.
So real, so genuine, so true;
She goes places very few dare to go on and off the stage.
Saying all things we'd like to say so beautifully, so eloquently–
She's not afraid to go there.
She's fearless.
She's wide open to the point of being selfless.
That's why we relate;
That's why we–your core fans–just can't let anything get in the way of 
     what we're feeling when it comes to you.

Jill takes us on a journey–one we'll always wish could last a little while
     longer.
The ride is an indelible experience–
One we'd relive any chance we get.
Because Jill's the whole package;
Never needing to depend on the pyrotechnics to put on a great show–
She's golden like that,
She's divinely touched,
And we are so grateful that we can experience the blessings.

Whatever it is, whatever it is;
Let it be, let it be.
YES!
Let us PLEASE let Jill Scott be!

© BuddahDesmond

Day 39: OUT (Written in Honor of National Coming Out Day)

In honor of National Coming Out Day, here's a piece that I wrote entitled "OUT."

Nothing worse than being silenced, especially in an environment where your voice has a rightful place to be loud and heard.
Nothing worse than living in fear because you don't know how family, friends, community or the larger society will deal with the "real" you.
Nothing worse than living a lie because you succumbed to complacency and conformity of cultural or societal norms.
Nothing is worse than hiding from everything and everyone (including yourself) because you've been led to believe that you are less than or simply not worthy.
It's bullshit.

Nothing should come before you, your authenticity, or your well-being.
You were made divinely and with a purpose regardless of what mortal beings may tell you.
So honor yourself.
Not just today but everyday.
Because nothing is better than being free.
Nothing is better than being your whole, true self.
Nothing is better than loving yourself.
Nothing is better than love.

(c) BuddahDesmond

Day 38: Adriana Evans - Walking With The Night

There’s something about Adriana Evans. That “something” enraptured me (yet again) while I was finishing my last final exam this weekend. Within the first few bars of “Waiting,” the first track off of her latest album “Walking With The Night,” I was spellbound by her rich musical landscape. Her music is an intoxicating mix of classic soul, funk, hip-hop, jazz, and Afro-Cuban and Brazilian rhythms. Her voice--an instrument that is reminiscent of the preeminent jazz vocalists of our time--is the soulful, sweet, sublime element that brings everything together. Like all great singers, she could sing anything and make you pay attention. It’s artistry. It’s realness. It’s music from the heart. And you can feel it. Whether it’s the latest album or one of her previous efforts, it won’t be long before you can’t get it out of her hypnotic music out of your mind. Aside from “Waiting” and the title track, songs that stay on repeat are “Surrender,” “Midnight,” “Set in Stone,” “Never Thought” and the album closer “El Sol” (which is one of several songs from her catalog that I believe provides an excellent snapshot of her artistry). Like her previous releases, I’ll be jamming to “Walking Into The Night” for life.

Evans made her self-titled debut back in 1997. This effort was one of several to lead the pack of what was being dubbed “neo classical soul” in the mid-to-late 90s. Her singles “Seein’ Is Believing” and “Love Is All Around” received moderate airplay on urban adult contemporary stations. But just as she was making headway, she disappeared from the “mainstream” music scene. I had been wondering for years when we’d be graced with her presence again. And in 2004 while finishing my final quarter undergrad, I came across some music from her “Nomadic” album. I was ecstatic. Fast forward to 2006 when I discovered that Adriana Evans “Remember The Love” (from the “Nomadic” album) was chosen to be the theme song to Patrick Ian Polk’s “Noah’s Arc” series. A black gay series on television with a soundtrack supporting indie and underrated musicians – it was a win-win. The series featured several other songs from “Nomadic” and Evans 2007 release “El Camino.” Thanks to Polk Evans and other artists music was exposed to a wider audience. It’s still a shame that music like this isn’t flooding the airwaves. However, unlike the non-believers whose ears aren’t to the ground, we know that real music still exists. Therefore, we must continue to support it. We can’t wait for mainstream to pay attention. We must talk it about, blog about it, tweet it, and share it on our social media and networking profiles. Keeping good, real, authentic music alive is a necessity!

Day 37: Love & Bills

"Love don't pay the bills!"  How many times have we heard this statement?  If we could cash in every time we heard it, we'd probably have some hefty bank accounts.  While it may be true, shouldn't we be digging a little deeper?  Love is more powerful than money.  More spiritual.  More meaningful.  Money is tangible but does not last forever.  Love is ever-lasting.  Once you've got it--you've got it.  You may not always be in love.  But you will always love and be loved.  That's what makes you rich. 

Whether you're by yourself or in a committed relationship--you'll find a way to pay the bills.  With love on tap, you'll work to find a way.  That's if you want to.  That's if you care.  That's also when faith, loyalty, devotion, and due diligence come into play.  Money can bring you lots of things, but love is not one of them.  And love can bring many things as well...  So much so that you may not realize how truly blessed you are.  Maybe that's what The-Dream was getting at on Love Vs. Money...  Well, one hopes that's what he meant. :-)

Day 36: Analog Life Vs. Digital Life

I think my analog life will always win over my digital life . There's just something more personal, more comforting, more reassuring about it.  While my digital life may have greater reach in a shorter period of time, it's hard for me to believe that it will ultimately have the same touch, impact, and feel of my analog life.

Day 35: The Gift & The Curse

The further you run away or ignore life's gifts, the more they will haunt you.  The haunting can make them seem curse-like.  It's a calling that we each must heed eventually.  It's where passions, dreams, and destiny all meet up.  It's an extraordinary collision course that puts us in the right place, the right time, and the right moment.

Day 34: Communication

Sometimes when I say "I wonder why I bother," it's due to some miscommunication or misunderstanding.  But I can never own up to it as being a sole responsibility of mine.   Communication is typically not a one-way happening.  If you end up in a place where I didn't intend to take you (and vice versa), it's the responsibility of both of us to get back to where we each need to be.  We have to work together, actively listen, pay attention, and make light of confusion or pinpoint where issues need to be addressed.  That's the only way we will ever be able to successfully communicate with each other.

Day 33: Loving Yourself

There's no way in the world that anyone can tell me that you can love fully and completely when you don't love yourself.  You cannot let go.  You cannot really embrace.  You cannot allow yourself to fall.  You're too guarded.  Too scared.  Too worried.  Even if you find someone who loves you the way you need to be loved, total acceptance still won't be possible.  You're too blocked.  You've got too much personal baggage.  You've got to release it.  You've got to fall in love with yourself before you can really allow someone else to love you.

Day 32: A Direct Route to Divine Power

Man can proclaim to be as wholly holy, devout, and pure as possible.  But it never changes our human nature.  Our innate fallibility and imperfection.  Our tendency to pass judgment, to boast, and be haughtily bound in our approach.  Some of us can't help being ourselves in everything man has "created" - even religion.  We were made in his image but are not the image.  We may be Christians or working to be Christians, but we are not Christ.  We are not God, Buddha, Allah, Vishnu, Shiva, or any god of worship.  That's why I will never allow anyone to tell me about how I should live my life, force their beliefs upon me, or tell me about how my relationship works with The Creator.  It's personal territory.  It's mine.  It's about my spirituality and my spirituality determines how I believe my relationship should be.  Advice and guidance are one thing.  But you do not rule my path to higher power.  Because I - like you, like everyone else - has a direct route all day, everyday.  And there's nothing that any man can do to change that.

Day 31: On A Mission

I doubt there will ever come a time when we will like everything and everybody in this universe.  We're fickle, finicky, and at times very adamant about what we like (and don't like).  And other times, we can be downright nasty about it.  Shady too.  Knowing this - why would we ever strive to to please everybody?  We need to please ourselves first and foremost.  Maybe we'd stand a better chance at achieving the things we're so passionate about.  Maybe then we'd be on a mission that nothing and no one could abolish.  That's when you know it's deep.  That's when you know it's meant for you.  That's when people can say or do anything but won't break your faith, determination, or steadfast nature.  When you're on a mission to please you (and The Creator) nothing will stop you.

Day 30: Obligation & Convenience in Relationships

Two things that can keep someone in a relationship are convenience and obligation.  After a particular span of time, people get complacent.  They become very comfortable with where they are.  Even when they know they deserve better - they stay.  They'd rather suffer than make the move on to something better suited for themselves.  They also may be weary of hurting their mates feelings.  And they may be feeling that staying (because of the time put in - amongst other things) is what they're supposed to do.  Well, you've got to think about your heart.  If after all this time things still haven't changed or don't look like they will change - it's time to go.  Doesn't matter what or who you're leaving behind.  Happiness and joy are not worth your accommodating someone who is not meant for you.  Why suffer in silence?  Put yourself first.

Day 29: The Way You See Yourself

One must think as positive about themselves as possible.  The way you think and feel about yourself reflects and reveals itself to others.  So if you have a negative view of yourself - you may need to take a step back and re-think how you see yourself and change it.  Positivity goes a long way and always makes a substantial difference in many of life's situations.

Day 28: Getting Beyond Blame

We have the power to make great changes in our lives. Our power, in this vein, can manifest in both good and bad ways. At times, we can be our best champions or our worst detractors. And when we detract from ourselves—time to recover and recoup can be lengthy. After a certain phase in our lives, it matters not whether others or we were to blame for our misfortunes. That's because the responsibility for the outcome and our personal resolution(s) remains with us. This responsibility cannot be placed elsewhere. No scapegoating or excuses, because our power and our choices will be at play. It’s imperative that we use our power and make choices wisely.  We must get beyond the blame.

Day 27: Other People & Their Problems

When it comes to other people and other people's problems - there's only little we can do.  It's up to them to make the changes and transitions necessary for improvements in life. You can advise, counsel, support, and love them all you want.  But if they don't want things to be better for themselves - you might as well proceed like it's business (your business) as usual.

Day 26: Make Time For Yourself

Doesn't make sense to run yourself into the ground.  You've got to make time to replenish yourself. Do the things you love to do.  Do the things that relax you.  The things that keep you centered when everything around you has embraced insanity as its BFF.  Do for you what no one else can.  Make the time.  Take the time to care for you.

Day 25: Fear

Fear can be debilitating.  It can hold you captive, but in a way that is more detrimental to you and your progress.  You have to get over the insecurities, the self-doubt, and all that you've allowed to hold you back.  You have to let go if you want to claim what's rightfully yours (completely, without the baggage).

Day 24: Ego-Tripping

Here's a little reality check for all those who've been ego-tripping lately... There's more to life & more to the world than you.

Day 23: Faith & Determination

When you're really pushing to achieve something the negative forces will always try to deter you.   This is especially true during our bleakest and most difficult times.  You have to be steadfast and hold on to your faith.  It isn't easy.  But it's better coming out of the fire having done the right thing instead of the wrong thing.

Day 22: Outside The Comfort Zone

The tried & true methods are not always the best ways to approach problems.  Sometimes you have to step outside of the place where you feel most comfortable in order to move forward.  Looking towards new methods you are not accustomed to may be the way to go.  Take the risk - you never know.

Day 21: Balance

There's something to be said about someone who is so selfless and giving of themselves to other things and people.  There's also something to be said about someone who is so selfless and giving that they neglect themselves. You've got to find the balance between everything, everyone else, and you. Otherwise, this kind of imbalance can lead to self-inflicted burn out (amongst so many other things).

Day 20: So-called Communication

Doesn't seem to be many of us around who are interested in or care to really communicate anymore.  So much is misunderstood, misconstrued, and taken out or put in the wrong context.  If we thought before we spoke (or wrote), did our research, went straight to the source instead of making assumptions and passing judgment, and asked the right people the right questions - so much bullshit would be eliminated.

Day 19: Real Greatness

You may be the best at what you do.  Amazingly gifted and talented.  But none of that matters if you aren't using what you've been blessed with to inspire, motivate, nurture, guide, and assist those coming up with or behind you.  It's about giving back what you've been so fortunate with.  Is there anything worse than a truly talented person who's not only boastful, arrogant and egotistical but selfish too?

Day 18: Talking Shit

People will always have shit to say.  It's part of the human makeup.  Unfortunately, the things people say tend to be more on the illogical, biased, ignorant, or negative side.  But when there's a problem or an issue that needs to be addressed, if you're not bringing anything relevant or constructive to the table - do everyone else a favor & shut the fuck up!

Day 17: No More

No more second guessing
Time to cast away the doubts,
The insecurities and the fears
And go with my gut instincts
The first thought or answer to come to mind is usually true

No more beating up myself
What's done is done -- it's a thing of the past
Time to accept it, reflect upon it, gain from it, and move on

No more bouts with despair
Time to move beyond and get over things that I simply do not have the power
Or control to change

No more worrying
Time to channel that energy into something better
Something useful
Something creative
Time to just live and let it be

No more tears being wasted
On those who said that they loved me
Or those who said that they cared
It's their loss, not yours

No more sweating the small stuff
Because it's just that
Time to accept letdowns and disappointments as tests of character,
Endurance and strength
They are gifts in disguise
It's all a part of life's journey
And I'm going to enjoy the ride
Whatever happens, happens
However the cards will be dealt
I can guarantee this:
The game will be played and it will be played well

I am now more aware of myself than ever before
I realize that nothing is wrong with me
I am perfectly fine
No more downgrading or shortchanging
I accept myself for who I am
I will not bow down or fall victim to the expectations
Of what everyone says I am supposed to be

No more
I am all of who I am supposed to be and much more
Take it or leave it

(c) BuddahDesmond

Day 16: Round Midnight: A Tribute to Great-Grandpa

On the afternoon of March 14th, my great-grandfather died.  He was 95 years old.  He'd been sick for the last several months.  He was semi-comatose during the last several weeks of his life.  But up until that time - he was still hanging, still going strong.  He lived a long happy life.  Not many people live that long.  And it's truly a remarkable thing.  He was a devoted husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and great-great-grandfather.  He was a supporter, inspiration, mentor, and role model.  He was a military veteran who took pride in serving his country and worked in the federal government for 33 years.  He was also a self-taught jazz musician who didn't read music.  He had several instrumental and vocal bands that toured the East coast.  Music was his passion.  Though he didn't get to completely follow his passion due to his love and commitment to his family, his passion for music and his talent never ceased.  He is one of the reasons why my love for music (jazz in particular) and singing is so strong.  He gave me a deeper appreciation for jazz and musicianship.  So this one's for Jazzman Gus, one of many names he was affectionately called.  Here's a classic jazz tune, "Round Midnight" written by the phenomenal pianist/composer Thelonious Monk and performed by Sassy/The Divine One, Sarah Vaughan.

Day 15: You Know What The Bible Says...

A few weeks ago I came out to one of my best childhood buddies.  We'd known each since the fourth grade.  Though we lost touch a few times along the way due to distance, we never lost our bond or connection.  It seemed to grow stronger over the years.  We went through and experienced a lot - individually and collectively.  And he'd been there with me - through most of it.

So I have no idea why I waited so long to come out to him.  There's a part of me that didn't think he'd have a problem with it and that he'd be fine.  I thought, "Hell, he probably already knows - he's just waiting for me to tell him."  And then there's another part of me that was hesitant.  When I was away in college, he became a born-again Christian.  And I thought that there's a great possibility that he either won't accept me or if he does - he might rub the sin, scripture, Bible, Christian thing at me.

I wanted to speak with him in person or at least over the phone about this.  But due to hectic schedules, we kept missing each other. So I opted to do it via email (not my mode of choice, but hey...).  Here's a portion of his reply to my email:

You know I look at you as a brother and really want you to live a long, prosperous, joyous & blessed life. You also know my religious views being a Christian rapper and all I'm sure you know where the Christian belief stands on homosexuality. The bible tells me that it's a sin against God, but it also says that no sin is greater than another and that sin (including homosexuality) can be forgiven. You see God loves is greater than anything sin and His love is the definition of unconditional... My beliefs will not allow me to celebrate what the Word of God calls sin HOWEVER just as God still loves you; so do I. It doesn't mean that the bond of friendship is any weaker on my end...

I just don't know what or how to respond.  I was both angry and somewhat content with the response. Content because this is what I was expecting him to say and this is why I was hesitant in telling him anyway.  Angry because I'm so sick and tired of hearing this sin bullshit.  And I'm sorry but it's bullshit.  God made me the way that I am for a reason.  My being gay is not a choice or something that I can just turn on and off like a light switch.  It's part of me.  It doesn't consume me and it doesn't cloud everything that I do.  But you cannot acknowledge me in totality without acknowledging that part of me.  And as a lifelong friend, I guess I was just thinking that he'd be able to see completely beyond this and accept me totally, wholly.  Maybe I'm asking for too much.  Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing.  Maybe I asked for it.  But at what point do you get beyond the scripture to the realness in life and the substance of the realness staring in your face....in all of its divinity?  What would you do?

Day 14: From Beauty to Ugliness

Welcome to the Blizzard of 2010!  It's winter in the DC Metro Area and it's a big mess.  After over 20 inches of snow, people are losing or have lost their minds, patience, and humanity (practically). People were fighting in the grocery stores over food.  Driving like bats out of hell on the roads.  And expecting cleaning crews to do magic tricks to get things back in order.  With this much snow, normalcy will be a dream not achieved for some time.  Many of our neighborhoods still have yet to be plowed, many of us don't have power, and have no way of getting around (if you're depending on public transportation).

My fiance' & I have been without power and heat since last Friday night (when the storm hit).  You could see your breath in front of your face in our place.  It was just that cold.  We couldn't spend another night at home so we decided to try to get a hotel room.  Because the roads were so bad we couldn't get to the strip where most of the hotels were in our area (Rockville/Bethesda), so we ended up heading to my mom & granny's house.  What was usually a one-hour trip took almost two hours.  It was a scary trip.  Many of the street lights were out.  Only the left and right lanes were clear.  The center lanes were full of ice and compacted snow.  We were on edge the whole way.  But we made it safely (thank god).

Since the roads are still terrible - we're staying put (working from mom & granny's until further notice).  I typically take public transportation to and from work everyday so you know that's out of the question.  The underground stations are the only stations being serviced.  Bus and Marc train service is limited. You'd be out of your mind to even think about a taxi.

There's really not much we can do besides hoping and praying for the best.  The really sad part of it all is that this area never seems to be prepared for any major emergency.  And I think for it to be the DC Metro Area that it's totally unacceptable.  People are freezing in their homes, looking for their next meals... They can't even get off their streets to go to the store let alone to work.  Pepco can't get to the affected areas without power because plows have yet to clear many streets (especially in Montgomery County).  Had this been technological or biological warfare it would be every man, woman, and child for themselves.  I can't bare to imagine what it would be in either of these situations...  The meteorologists are predicting that we may get another foot or more of snow between Tuesday and Wednesday...

Snow...  It's so beautiful and peaceful when it snows.  So quiet, so Edenic, so pure...  But in the aftermath - snow loses it's beauty and brings out the ugliness in people, the process for clean-up, and the issues that arise when government fails to have a plan in place in the event of a snow emergency.  Yes, welcome to the Blizzard of 2010!

Day 13: At the Fork in the Road

I've been sitting at my computer for several hours this evening...  Much of it was spent staring at the screen, staring into space, or staring at the tablet of paper I'd been scribbling on.  I couldn't concentrate for the life of me.  I've been so busy at work (and kinda at home) that I don't think my mind has been able to rest unless I was actually sleeping.  And if it lingers for too long - I start to get pissed and will get really close to saying "fuck it."  With the schedule I have and the deadlines between work, school, and my personal life - I don't always have the luxury of saying "fuck it."  But I've been more than willing to pay the consequences when I did it in the past...lol.

At this point in my professional life, I feel as if I'm longing, yearning for more.  I love the job and what I'm doing (or what I've done).  But I'm just not feeling that fulfilled.  I'm bored.  I feel as if I'm on auto-tune...just going thru the motions - not anywhere near as enthusiastic as I used to be.  And this is something that has not changed in the last few months.  And the feelings seem to be strengthening.  I feel like I need to be challenged in new and exciting ways.  And I'm just not seeing it where I am now.  That is unless things change.  We're still in the midst of re-organization (however this process hasn't been addressed to us formally since April 2009).  We just turned in our performance appraisals a few weeks ago.  It'll be awhile before our supervisor gets back to us about them.  I can say that I did quite a bit in 2009 and I did it all to the best of my ability.  But am I that thrilled about any of it anymore?  No, not really.  On top of that, I just don't feel as if I fit in with department anymore.  I feel kinda out of place.  The culture in my department has/is changing again - and it's changing rapidly.  Nothing like what it used to be in first two years.  And I'm not sure that that's a good thing either.

So I think I've come to the fork in the road.  I'm at the crossroads.  And the part that worries (and I'm not sure that "worries" is the best word) me most is the fact that I haven't quite figured out what to do about it.  I don't necessarily want to leave the company.  And I don't want to leave the people I've become close with.  But I don't want to squalor in complacency or contempt either.  I'm blessed to have bit a talents, gifts, skills, and experience to pull from.  It's just a matter of what I'm going to pull from and where do I want it to take me next.  Whatever it is - I'm sure I'll make the best decision I see fit for me personally and professionally.  I just hope and pray it'll go well.  One things for sure - I cannot afford to be depressed about my worklife.  I don't have time for that shit.  Gotta keep it moving if that's the case.  I'll just have to hold tight however, until something else/better comes along. Pray for me...

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