Next Time

After this last go round with love,
I've decided—
Instead of lambasting my ex for the wrong done
     to me,
I'm going to focus on me,
Own up to what I did,
Embrace the mistakes—
My faults,
And figure out just what I need to do,
So that next time I don't end up in the same
     situation.

I need to take this time—
Reflect upon me.
This is my time to rectify, recover, release,
     and regroup,
So that next time—
     I'm ready for love,
     fully and completely.

~ BuddahDesmond

Lost In You

An unknown
A stranger
A new being
that I didn't recognize
something you wished you'd left on the shelf
instead of bringing home with you
This foreigner came in and
changed everything
What I used to be
What I used to do
was usurped
forgotten
discarded
The old me became this new being
And I thought nothing of it in the
beginning
I made excuses for you and your
behavior, the things you said, and
the things you did
It was okay
I thought it was me
I was so lost in you
that I lost me

I eventually saw you, me, us
the situation for all that it
was worth (and not worth)
And I, eventually, grew
tired
I was exhausted from giving so much
And nothing being rightfully reciprocated
I was disgusted
Because I bent over backwards
Was hanging out on a limb
Living on the edge
And it seemed you didn't appreciate it
So the good thoughts began to lessen
I dreaded your calls
I was disgusted with you
But I was more so disgusted
with myself for allowing
this to fester
I was so lost in you
That I forgot who I was

So I had to reclaim what
was rightfully mine
to get back to me
I had to let go
I had to embark on a new personal
journey
to find me again
I had to end it with you
So that I could
start anew with me

~ BuddahDesmond

The End

Sad to say
but our union has come to a pass
At a point we were linked like no other
Joined, one
But something seemingly cosmic
changed the feeling
We lost our rhythm
Fell out of sync
Danced to entirely different beats
Some otherworldly thing
changed our space, our time
Though the love remains
All that should hold it together
unraveled
And we began to diverge....

Me
Left feeling the cold
While you were embraced with warmth
Emotions expressed
You say you do
But your actions fail to show that
you understand or know
Where I reside is a place
you can't seem to get to
I've given you directions
but you still end up lost
The sad part is that
you fail to see it

Maybe when you do
A great shift in thought, feeling,
perspective - a realization
will occur
And at that point
You will see not
only where I went wrong
But where you went wrong
where we both went wrong
And you should be able to move on
Hopefully wiser
Having learned a great lesson
about how to love

~ BuddahDesmond

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